Month: June 2022

At Refresh, we work with high-achieving individuals who are committed to doing the work of therapy. Part of this ‘work’ is building confidence in yourself. High achievement does not equate to confidence, as many would assume. High achievers often feel immense pressure to continue to perform well; whether it be in their personal lives or their professional lives. Affirmations can be used to improve self-esteem and promote positive self-talk. When we strengthen those skills, it is easier to acknowledge our progress and motivate us for the future.

Our words have power, whether they are said to others or ourselves. We spend the whole day thinking (and sometimes speaking) to ourselves. Think about how you would feel if the words you said to yourself were positive. Would you have more confidence? How would it impact your self-esteem?

Below are a few affirmations that can be utilized by those who feel overwhelmed by the pressure to perform. Repeat them to yourself as needed. This can be done by writing them in a daily journal, saying them in the mirror, or any other way that feels useful to you.

1. I am proud of who I have become
2. I deserve to take time for myself
3. I am worthy of self-care and care from others
4. I am allowed to make mistakes and learn from them
5. The journey towards personal growth is not always linear

Photo Credit: Canva

Written by Jessy Pucker, LMSW

Therapy can be rejuvenating. Therapy can be cathartic. Therapy can also be exhausting. Each session is different; some will require focus, honesty, and raw emotions, while others can be filled with humor or casual discussions. Not all sessions will produce an emotional breakthrough. The work can be a slow process, and some sessions are about creating a strong relationship between therapist and client.

The sessions that tend to be exhausting are the ones where we have to recount painful memories or process difficult emotions. Though it might just be talking, it can take a lot of energy to bring up and feel intense emotion. We often equate physical energy expenditure with pride while we avoid emotional energy expenditure at all costs. As a society, we are much more comfortable sweating after a run than crying after a therapy session. That being said, both are the result of hard work.

Whatever the trigger for exhaustion may be, it is important to keep a clear line of communication with your therapist. If you are feeling overwhelmed or flooded with emotion, share that information with your therapist. Together you can decide if you are ready to continue talking about the subject or need a break from it. Remember that you are working in collaboration with your therapist. You can speak up and say that a topic is causing you emotional exhaustion. In the end, this will benefit your work because it will give your therapist more insight into your emotional state. One of the goals of therapy is to increase wellbeing, and being upfront with your therapist is a good way to do so.

Another way to combat therapy exhaustion is to reassess your goals for therapy. New goals can be set at any time. It can be useful to assess the progress you have made towards your goals.Setting goals can give you something to work towards each week in therapy. When you see progress towards these goals, it can stave off feelings of self-doubt and exhaustion. This is a conversation that is useful to have with your therapist to make sure you are on the same page.

Written by Jessy Pucker, LMSW

Photo Cred: Canva

There is no script for how to talk about sex with your partner. Communication about sex is not often taught, so it requires practice. The safer a relationship feels, the easier it can be to talk about sexual preferences. Exploration with your partner can be fun, but it requires trust. Below are a few tips to communicate your sexual interests with your partner:

1. Be honest with yourself about your needs. It is important that you accept your own preferences without self-judgment before you discuss them with your partner.
2. Approach the conversation with emotional honesty. For example, you could say, ‘this is something I would like to explore with you, but I am worried that you will think it is strange’. Being upfront about your feelings can reduce miscommunication once the conversation begins.
3. Focus on personal statements. Instead of bringing up things your partner doesn’t do to satisfy you, talk about the things they can do to enhance your sexual experience.
4. Ask your partner what they want! It takes courage to ask for what you want. If you are able to do it yourself, encourage your partner to do the same.
5. Try to have fun with the conversation. Explore the ways this could improve your sexual experiences and build off of one another’s interests. This is a collaborative effort where both partners want to enjoy themselves and have the other feel the same.

It is important to note that communication about sex can be even more complicated with LGBTQIA relationships. This stems from the lack of basic education surrounding non-heterosexual sex in schools. When kids learn about sex, they are taught about safety, sexual health, and the mechanics of normative, heterosexual sex. Being taught through the lens of heteronormative relationships can put LGBTQIA people at a disadvantage when developing understanding and communication skills about sex.

The more we speak about our sexual preferences, the more comfortable we become in them. As partners, we should all work on being accepting of various sexual preferences. Creating a comfortable sexual environment will increase intimacy with your partner and allow a freedom in expressing your sexual interests.

Written by Jessy Pucker LMSW

Photo Cred: Canva