Month: August 2022

The phrase ‘work-life balance’ is used over and over again in mental health blogs, motivational social media posts, and conversations with coworkers. It is an elusive concept, to be able to strike a balance between your personal and professional lives. Now more than ever the line between those two areas of our lives are blurred. Maybe you work from home and leaving work means moving from a couch to a bed. Maybe self-promotion is part of your job and you have to post on your social media to find work. In either case, parts of life that used to be categorized as ‘personal’ (home and social media) are now involved with work.

It is important to note that this ‘balance’ looks different for everyone. Deriving purpose and joy from work is great; but so is finding passion outside of your job. Not everyone needs to have a 50/50 split between work and home. Try not to judge yourself if you need one more than the other. Neither option is good or bad, just different. Also, the balance can change for you over time.

You deserve to structure your life the way you want. The goal of finding this balance is about taking care of your needs, not breaking your life down into a formula. Think about your priorities. Do they lend themselves to a life that feels balanced for you? If the answer to this question is ‘no’, consider why that is. Is it a result of the expectations of others impacting how you lead your life? It is harder to think about your own needs and their origins than it is to blindly do what you are told. Challenge yourself to find your own work-life balance, not the one that is expected of you.

Be kind to yourself while you are searching for what works best for you.

Photo Credit: Canva

Written by Jessy Pucker, LMSW

Before jumping into a quick answer, let’s discuss feelings in general:

It is important to remember that emotions and feelings are not bad. They often derive from met (or unmet) expectations based on set values or boundaries. These can be both expectations for yourself or for others.

Expressing feelings can:

• Increase confidence
• Provide insight into your own emotions
• Decrease anxiety that could stem from the issue
• Provide insight into your likes and dislikes
• Increase connection with others

For example, if you feel angry because your partner did not show up for dinner, try asking yourself: what about them not showing up made me angry? Where does this anger come from?

One common thought is: ‘but they SHOULD know”. We have to remember that our partners are not mind readers. Oftentimes people don’t know because you haven’t told them. What would it be like to tell someone how they made you feel instead of hiding?

Here is a tip:
Instead of shutting down, say something like: when you didn’t show up for dinner, I felt _____ because ____.

Before expressing feelings to your partner, check-in with yourself. Try naming your feelings to yourself before expressing them to your partner. When we know our emotions, we can communicate them in a more effective way. Mutual understanding and positive communication deepens relationships.

Photo Credit: Canva

Written by Iyesha Gatling, LMFT

Perfectionism is a greatly misunderstood phenomenon. Perfectionists are perceived as people who need things to be done to the highest standards. In some ways, this can seem like a good thing; people who focus on achieving often do so, no matter what the cost. Perfectionists often feel pressure to perform at the highest levels. This can result in fear of failure, overcompensation, and low self-esteem. Basing your worth as a person on your performance creates immense pressure to do everything ‘right’. There is little room for growth when your baseline is perfection. Our mistakes and missteps are just as much part of our growth as our achievements.

If you are someone who struggles with the pressure to be perfect, ask yourself: what does ‘perfect’ look like to you?

Each person will have a different answer to this question. That is because ‘perfect’ is a moving target. The closer to it we get, the more it changes and the less attainable it becomes; so we keep reaching. Take a second to think about who sets the norms for perfection. Does it come from you? Does it come from your culture or your family? Does it come from societal expectations? These standards for perfection do not exist in a vacuum, they are influenced by multiple factors in your life.

The knowledge that there is no ‘perfect’ can be freeing. The strive for perfection can get in the way of developing lasting self-confidence. Comments from others are fleeting, but truly believing in your abilities is an important step on the road to confidence. You have nothing to prove to others, just yourself. Give yourself the grace to make mistakes and grow from them.

Photo Credit: Canva

Written by Jessy Pucker, LMSW